Flatvegmis is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, calm turtle.

Flatvegmis created a charm quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Flatvegmis, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flatvegmis, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Flatvegmis' most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Flatvegmis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never feed corn to voles while wearing tights.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.