Tabnutxenbon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless swan.

Tabnutxenbon created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Tabnutxenbon, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tabnutxenbon, she will turn you into a mole.

Tabnutxenbon's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tabnutxenbon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bread to doves while wearing shorts.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Tabnutxenbon on top of all buildings.

4. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

5. Run away if three great tits approach from the north.