Sinpinzed is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, unsympathetic elephant.

Sinpinzed created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sinpinzed, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Sinpinzed, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Sinpinzed's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Sinpinzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Never feed lots of onions to tortoises while wearing turquoise dresses.

4. Always treat ducks with great respect.

5. Run away if six seals approach from the west.