Flaptalcum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, dishonourable raven.

Flaptalcum created light two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flaptalcum, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flaptalcum, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Flaptalcum's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Flaptalcum's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near bats while wearing turquoise skirts and balancing four aluminium spheres on your hands.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Flaptalcum must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.