Jansogshavzak is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, stupid dove.

Jansogshavzak created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jansogshavzak, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jansogshavzak, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jansogshavzak's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Jansogshavzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Put Jansogshavzak first in all things.

4. Never mention ducks.

5. Do not drink water in white rooms.