Tarxenhig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, compassionate meerkat.

Tarxenhig created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarxenhig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tarxenhig, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tarxenhig's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Tarxenhig's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never feed grapes to gulls while wearing red coats.

5. You must love Tarxenhig.