Femgilfedjanvolfum is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, flying tapir.

Femgilfedjanvolfum created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Femgilfedjanvolfum, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Femgilfedjanvolfum, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Femgilfedjanvolfum's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Femgilfedjanvolfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

2. Never think about dark energy.

3. Hide from orange swans for they are unholy.

4. Femgilfedjanvolfum loves voles, so they must be respected.

5. Never hurt squirrels.