Damkimjon is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, dishonest wyrm.

Damkimjon created carbon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Damkimjon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Damkimjon, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Damkimjon's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Damkimjon's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Never eat lemons.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.