Kadlangep is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, stupid scorpion.

Kadlangep created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Kadlangep, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kadlangep, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kadlangep's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Kadlangep's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed aubergines to nematodes while wearing kilts.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never think about optics near sheep while wearing fawn trousers and balancing five lead spheres on your face.