Bossflamgat is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, emotional mole.

Bossflamgat created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bossflamgat, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bossflamgat, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bossflamgat's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Bossflamgat's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not wear white clothing.

3. Never feed bread to pigs while wearing fawn shoes.

4. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never eat carrots.