Safbosspom is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, self-assured salamander.

Safbosspom created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Safbosspom, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Safbosspom, it will turn you into a worm.

Safbosspom's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Safbosspom's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

2. Do not hurt dogs.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Do not chop down trees.