Safrilfadpodstikyim Yarpquimdad is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, narcissistic seal.

Safrilfadpodstikyim Yarpquimdad created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Safrilfadpodstikyim Yarpquimdad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Safrilfadpodstikyim Yarpquimdad, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Safrilfadpodstikyim Yarpquimdad's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Safrilfadpodstikyim Yarpquimdad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near badgers while wearing magenta shirts and balancing eight carbon spheres on your head.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Safrilfadpodstikyim Yarpquimdad on top of all buildings.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never talk about fire.