Vidbogmis is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, quiet swan.

Vidbogmis created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vidbogmis, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vidbogmis, she will turn you into a dog.

Vidbogmis' most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vidbogmis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Never feed lots of rice to whales while wearing orange kilts.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never eat lentils.