Cinquampom is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic tortoise.

Cinquampom created Asia two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cinquampom, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cinquampom, he will remove you from existence.

Cinquampom's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cinquampom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill doves.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics.

5. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.
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