Tonkstipmil is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, dishonest dog.

Tonkstipmil created viruses four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkstipmil, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tonkstipmil, he will turn you into a hamster.

Tonkstipmil's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tonkstipmil's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry snails.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tonkstipmil.

3. Always help tortoises.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.