Ortmotpit is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, competent giraffe.

Ortmotpit created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortmotpit, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ortmotpit, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Ortmotpit's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Ortmotpit's Holy Commandments

1. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never paint your hands black.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always treat seals with great respect.

5. Never talk about dark matter.