Sandwabvog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional slug.

Sandwabvog created humanity five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sandwabvog, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sandwabvog, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Sandwabvog's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Sandwabvog's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. You must pray to Sandwabvog seven times a day.