Sakxemhap is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, duplicitous meerkat.

Sakxemhap created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sakxemhap, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sakxemhap, she will not care at all.

Sakxemhap's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Sakxemhap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven porpoises approach from the west.

2. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

3. Never think about dark energy near rats while wearing fawn shorts and balancing six titanium spheres on your face.

4. Do not speak about tomatoes.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.