Gonpoptab is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, wise pigeon.

Gonpoptab created the universe four million years ago.

If you believe in Gonpoptab, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gonpoptab, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Gonpoptab's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Gonpoptab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never feed lots of spinach to birds while wearing purple kilts.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gonpoptab.

5. Pray towards the east.