Bonsandbad is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, egotistical squirrel.

Bonsandbad created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonsandbad, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bonsandbad, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bonsandbad's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bonsandbad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Bonsandbad loves mites, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat cucumbers.

5. Always help capybaras in need.