Yarpkemcuss is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, deceitful capybara.

Yarpkemcuss created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpkemcuss, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Yarpkemcuss, it will not care.

Yarpkemcuss' most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Yarpkemcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near rats while wearing pink tights and balancing three platinum spheres on your hands.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Pray towards the west.