Kencatvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, awesome guinea pig.

Kencatvonk created snails eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kencatvonk, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kencatvonk, he will not care.

Kencatvonk's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Kencatvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat oranges.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Feed all hungry tapirs.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not listen to music.