Tigteenpanpin is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, boastful duck.

Tigteenpanpin created life six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigteenpanpin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tigteenpanpin, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Tigteenpanpin's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Tigteenpanpin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat garlic.

2. Never talk about shrews.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near seals while wearing brown ear rings and balancing three nickel spheres on your back.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tigteenpanpin.

5. You must love Tigteenpanpin.