Dancepmum is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, contented hydra.

Dancepmum created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dancepmum, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Dancepmum, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Dancepmum's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Dancepmum's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Dancepmum five times a day.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory.

4. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.