Yarpwadcet is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, almighty jaguar.

Yarpwadcet created snails twelve years ago.

If you believe in Yarpwadcet, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yarpwadcet, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Yarpwadcet's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Yarpwadcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Never laugh in the presence of rats.

3. Never think about special relativity near eagles while wearing indigo skirts and balancing eight nickel spheres on your neck.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never go into blue rooms.