Gessmantal is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, loving jaguar.

Gessmantal created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gessmantal, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gessmantal, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Gessmantal's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Gessmantal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill porpoises.

2. Never feed parsnips to moths while wearing gray rings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gessmantal.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Gessmantal in the centre of the settlement.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.