Vondumhamsom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthinking bird.

Vondumhamsom created a top quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vondumhamsom, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vondumhamsom, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Vondumhamsom's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Vondumhamsom's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never wear rings.

5. Vondumhamsom loves manatees, so they must be respected.