Bomsatwig is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witty seal.

Bomsatwig created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bomsatwig, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bomsatwig, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Bomsatwig's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Bomsatwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never go into cyan rooms.

4. Never hurt ants.

5. Never think ill of sick whales.