Jampangtig is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, awesome jackal.

Jampangtig created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jampangtig, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jampangtig, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Jampangtig's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Jampangtig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hop in public.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near bats while wearing indigo scarves and balancing eight iron spheres on your neck.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Never look in ponds.