Xuckkikman is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, impressive hamster.

Xuckkikman created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckkikman, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xuckkikman, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Xuckkikman's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Xuckkikman's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention snails.

2. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near mice while wearing turquoise shirts and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.