Padrencarlim is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, astonishing penguin.

Padrencarlim created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Padrencarlim, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Padrencarlim, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Padrencarlim's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Padrencarlim's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Never mention capybaras.

3. Ants are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about spacetime near hamsters while wearing fawn dresses and balancing four iron spheres on your neck.

5. Never feed parsnips to birds while wearing gray coats.