Flapyik is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, all-knowing fox.

Flapyik created energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Flapyik, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flapyik, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Flapyik's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Flapyik's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flapyik.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not dye your hair cyan.

5. Do not drink water in violet rooms.