Rutjamfum is a god.

She takes the form of a large, smart penguin.

Rutjamfum created an electron six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutjamfum, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Rutjamfum, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Rutjamfum's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Rutjamfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Rutjamfum.

5. Never write about black holes.