Kopkimpid Quagzogyak is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, egotistical bird.

Kopkimpid Quagzogyak created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopkimpid Quagzogyak, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kopkimpid Quagzogyak, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Kopkimpid Quagzogyak's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Kopkimpid Quagzogyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of grapes to snails while wearing turquoise skirts.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never look at moons.