Yokquim is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, fussy narwhal.

Yokquim created the Black Eye Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yokquim, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yokquim, he will turn you into a duck.

Yokquim's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Yokquim's Holy Commandments

1. Yokquim loves frogs, so they must be respected.

2. Run away if three dogs approach from the north.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Yokquim in the centre of the settlement.