Kadpanmon is a god.

She takes the form of a large, bad-tempered yak.

Kadpanmon created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadpanmon, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kadpanmon, she will ignore you.

Kadpanmon's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kadpanmon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

5. Never feed garlic to tortoises while wearing shorts.