Hogwikmon is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented slug.

Hogwikmon created silver nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogwikmon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hogwikmon, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hogwikmon's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Hogwikmon's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three grasshopers approach from the east.

2. Do not dye your hair brown.

3. You must pray to Hogwikmon five times a day.

4. Run away from pink swans, for they are unholy.

5. Always obey Hogwikmon's priests.