Dungessvan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, selfish raccoon.

Dungessvan created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dungessvan, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dungessvan, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dungessvan's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Dungessvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed rice to birds while wearing jumpers.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Dungessvan.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.