Vonnatwod is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, pitiless alligator.

Vonnatwod created humankind seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonnatwod, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonnatwod, she will turn you into a rat.

Vonnatwod's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Vonnatwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear orange.

2. Never hurt gulls.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always obey Vonnatwod's priests.