Ranpibjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair shrew.

Ranpibjarn created tapeworms four million years ago.

If you believe in Ranpibjarn, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ranpibjarn, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Ranpibjarn's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ranpibjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep five swans in a large pit.

2. Never mention voles.

3. Feed all hungry bats.

4. Do not kill ants.

5. Never think about moons.