Bissloopquag is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, tranquil snail.

Bissloopquag created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bissloopquag, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bissloopquag, she will send you a sign.

Bissloopquag's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Bissloopquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chromosomes.

2. Never feed lots of turnips to badgers while wearing magenta dresses.

3. Always help birds.

4. Always help sharks in need.

5. Always stare at clouds.