Yarlsatsag is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, duplicitous jaguar.

Yarlsatsag created tapeworms two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlsatsag, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Yarlsatsag, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Yarlsatsag's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Yarlsatsag's Holy Commandments

1. Yarlsatsag loves snails, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never look at comets.