Dontuncep is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, kind gorilla.

Dontuncep created the cosmos nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dontuncep, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dontuncep, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Dontuncep's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Dontuncep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Dontuncep's name in vain.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Dontuncep loves bats, so they must be honoured.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Dontuncep.