Lapwon is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, quiet hedgehog.

Lapwon created a bottom quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapwon, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lapwon, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Lapwon's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Lapwon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

4. Never mention bats.

5. Always pray immersed in water.