Jabhapsid is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, all-knowing narwhal.

Jabhapsid created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabhapsid, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jabhapsid, she will turn you into a mouse.

Jabhapsid's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Jabhapsid's Holy Commandments

1. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Retreat if nine badgers approach from the west.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.