Quartwadfar Lapfemvon Cubflatflat is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, narcissistic elephant.

Quartwadfar Lapfemvon Cubflatflat created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartwadfar Lapfemvon Cubflatflat, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quartwadfar Lapfemvon Cubflatflat, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quartwadfar Lapfemvon Cubflatflat's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Quartwadfar Lapfemvon Cubflatflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bacteria.

2. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

3. Do not keep seven nematodes in a large pit.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never go into purple rooms.