Dudhotzag is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, idiotic aardvark.

Dudhotzag created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dudhotzag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dudhotzag, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dudhotzag's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Dudhotzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never write about optics.

4. Never feed limes to manatees while wearing jumpers.

5. Always look after injured otters.