Hotbestkem is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, impressive giraffe.

Hotbestkem created a strange quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hotbestkem, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hotbestkem, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hotbestkem's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Hotbestkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands orange.

2. Put Hotbestkem first in all things.

3. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never feed lots of gooseberries to seals while wearing green boots.

5. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.