Bastvad Cudfomced is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, benevolent jaguar.

Bastvad Cudfomced created everything that exists three million years ago.

If you believe in Bastvad Cudfomced, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bastvad Cudfomced, he will be very sad.

Bastvad Cudfomced's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bastvad Cudfomced's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never write about thermodynamics.