Nurtvidfit is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, witless whale.

Nurtvidfit created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtvidfit, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nurtvidfit, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Nurtvidfit's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Nurtvidfit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not kill monkeys.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nurtvidfit.

4. Never mention great tits.

5. Run away if eight whales approach from the east.